Real and Beautiful People In Memory of Mary O Ball

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”Elisabeth Kübler-Ross 

My thoughts are turned to my mother today, 

And this is a shout out to all my family.  This note is my love and I hope it is read in that spirit.  I am thinking of you today, sometime through death or circumstance, we are called to remember, some time we want to and other times we have no choose.  

When my mom was dying of lung cancer, she told me her wishes , she told me they would have a ceremony and I could go. She put in place people who would furiously protect her and her wishes , she had a lot of fear and guilt from the passed (this is only my perceptions). Sadly she was dogged by alcoholism , eating disorder, and some sort of personality disorder not to mention raising six children with out money or  support , well the damage was pretty bad  to all involved ! 

So , here I sit years later 45 years after those tough days and 15 yrs after her death and a memorial service is being held for my broken Moma ! I thought I would be there to put some closure in such pain, but it’s not to be . 

My hope is that one day my brother and sisters will be able to have some peace, som unity and share in the spirit of forgiveness. Perhaps this is just my childhood fantasy,  forever seeing the good and just to my own peril. 

This quote is from  Elisabeth Kübler-Ross mom worked with her to help people, my mom did a lot for people in need, I choose to try and see what good she did do and this quote is one that kind of sums it all up for me today have struggled on my own journey of pain, grief and big life struggled!

My mom on her death bed said ” I never meant to hurt you children ” as she said it I wondered and after the events of her wake and funeral I wondered, now as I sit here I wonder and pray , sadly in many  cases of abuse and neglect no one speaks out nothing is said ; and dispite this we survive, we fall, we pick ourselves up and try again and again.

love you all thanks for visiting and I am left to meditate on the concept of Forgiveness. I love you mom , Suz  

 

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